Are You STILL Making These “Classic” First Date Mistakes
I receive a lot of emails from guys asking me what could have possibly gone wrong on their first date.
Normally, leading up to the day of the first date, these guys are so excited about it. They write me back telling how they did everything right when they approached the girl in the bar. How smoothly they grabbed the girl’s number. And, all the juicy stuff of their first phone conversations.
But then something WEIRD happens.
These guys hardly ever write me back with a success story of how they managed to pull the girl into the bathroom for a quickie, or even a story about getting a simple kiss on the first date.
The first date stories that I often hear from these guys are more often train wrecks that I cringe just hearing about.
After hearing over hundreds of first date horror stories, I have come to notice that most guys often wind up making these 7 biggest mistakes on their first date that kills attraction instantly.
MISTAKE #1: Spending too much time on the phone even before the actual date…
These guys often tell me how they spend up to two hours on the phone getting to know the girl they still haven’t met up with. At the same time… they write to me how much of a great connection the two of them have…. and share with me in vivid details how wonderful the actual date would be when they had a chance to meet and connect in person.
But, I realize, things don’t often end up like that.
Actually, here’s what happens usually: the guy ends up telling his whole life story to the woman he hasn’t even met for the date. When he does this, it spoils the first date on a few different levels: A) Since he’s already had his first conversation over the phone, now he finds himself getting stuck for things to say on the first date. B) He has given away most of the mystery about himself, leaving little or nothing to be revealed to the girl during the course of the date. C) And because most guys lack good phone skills, he’ll often wind up losing her interest in him even before he meets her for their first date…
From today onwards, keep you pre-date conversation to an absolute minimum (not more than 5 mins, okay?). And use your free time on honing your phone game instead.
- The Ultimate Guide To Phone Game
- The Best Phone Game Tactics (For If You Can’t Text Right)
MISTAKE #2: Officially calling it a “date” and overthinking about the whole event
For some unknown reasons most guys still stuck on the old belief that their first date with a girl has to be a carefully planned night out at a fancy restaurant.
The guy ends up telling the girl that he “wants to take you out.” And by saying that, he immediately sets high expectations for the date. And by doing so, he also places himself in the role of the “Chaser”.
What’s SO WRONG about this idea of asking a girl out on a “date” is that it puts a tremendous amount of pressure on the both of you.
It also places her in the position of a “selector”, where she is constantly judging you, your behaviours, and secretly deciding in the back of her mind whether or not you are worthy of a “date.”
From today onwards, keep your first date very very casual. Instead of viewing it as a “date,” simply look at it as you both getting together for some FUN and excitement.
MISTAKE #3: Selecting the wrong type of location for the date
Like I mentioned earlier, most guys STILL end up taking a woman to dinner or movie on their first date. Dinner is probably the worst first date ideas after the movies.
Not only dinner is way too formal, but it also puts you both on the opposite sides of each other, and to be honest, it almost feels like going for a job interview.
The best first date idea should be something much more relaxed, a place that naturally allows the two of you to have fun and flirtatious interaction. And no, I don’t mean going to a cafe. Coffee dates are just as bad as the movie or a dinner date.
Invite her to meet you for Happy Hour, or take her to a museum, or challenge her to a game of bowling, billiards, or mini-golf, or to the shopping mall to help you pick out a pair of t-shirts.
MISTAKE #4: Treating a first date like a “job interview”
Can you recall the day when you had a really important job interview? You probably spent several hours dressing up really nice and sharp. You probably rehearsed all the answers over a hundred times the night before. You probably went inside the interview room with your “hire me” smile plastered across your face.
But you must understand that a “date” is NOT a “job interview.” So don’t treat it like that way, okay?
Don’t view a date like you are entering into the office where the all-mightly woman is going to be judging you of your worthiness. When you treat your date like a job interview, you end up coming across as way too nervous and uptight. And this will stop you from relaxing and having a great time and letting your “true personality” emerge through.
Listen. NOTHING about a first date has to be “perfect.” EVERYTHING about it has to be fun, playful, and flirtatious.
- The Ultimate First Date Survival Guide
MISTAKE #5: Asking a woman A LOT of questions on the date
Because most guys often treat their first date like a “job interview”, they end up using it as a chance to find everything about a woman, even if it’s irrelevant.
For example, a guy can spend the whole date figuring out:
- What does she do for a living?
- How many brothers and sisters she has?
- Where did she grow up?
- Where did she go to school/college?
- What does she do in her free time?
All these facts reveal absolutely nothing about a woman. And these type of questions gives even less information for him to work with to establish a connection.
If you only end up having a back and forth conversation with a woman talking about irrelevant details about each other, and when the time comes to say goodbye, neither of you will feel a strong desire to meet the other person again. Why? Simply because you invest in building an emotional connection.
So, rather than focusing (and wasting) your time on learning about personal facts, try to stay “in the moment” with teasing, banter, or sharing engaging stories, or ANY of the other effective conversations tactics I have laid out in these related posts:
- 10 Posts on What To Say To A Woman
- 10 Posts on Building A Deep Connection With A Woman
- How To Improve Your Conversations With A Woman
MISTAKE #6: Not becoming physical
Earlier I had joked about pulling a girl into the bathroom for a quickie on the first date… which is a slightly exaggerated version of “becoming physical” with a girl.
But here’s the fact: most guys are fearful of offending a woman that they never ever start any physical contact. Physical contact can be something simple as touching lightly on her elbow as you talk, placing your hand on the lower back as you “steer” her through the crowd, or something as playful as a thumb wrestling with her.
Remember this: the main differences between a woman you are friends with and the woman you are trying to fuck… is the amount of physical contact that occurs between the two of you;
The quicker you start doing any kind of “touching” with her, the sooner you start to move out of the dreaded friend zone and into the pleasant position of sexual man.
So, from today onwards, make it your habit to start lightly and innocently touching a girl the moment the date starts. This is one of the good reasons why I absolutely love active dates such as billiards, bowling, or mini-golf… they let touching to happen automatically.
Here are a few incredibly useful posts on getting physical:
- 10 Posts on Escalation
Mistake #7: Not flirting enough
The biggest issue that a lot of guys have with women is that they absolutely don’t fully understand the nature of flirting.
Because most guys often treat their “date” as a job interview, they hardly allow themselves to relax and have some fun with some friendly banter and teasing with a woman.
Remember: Flirting builds sexual tension.
Without flirting it is absolutely possible to get a girl like you, respect you, and imagine you as a guy who could be her AMAZING boyfriend… but it is also true that without flirting it is impossible to create sexual tension.
If you are not sure how to flirt with girls, then I highly recommend that you check out these posts on the subject:
P.S. More related tips: 7 Things That Make A Guy Look NEEDY B!tch