If you have followed my newsletters for quite a while, you will realize how I often stress that originality is the most important quality that you can convey to a woman — from the way you dress, to how you approach the ladies and engage them in conversation.
On the other hand, when you fail to make a unique impression, she’s going to automatically lump you in with the last 37 chumps who tried to talk to her — and within three minutes of you paying for her cocktail, she’ll be excusing herself to “go find her friends.”
The key to building a bond with her is to engage her attention and get her to share information about herself.
Then you’ll tell her how much you relate and establish rapport with her. One of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this is…
Using COLD READS.
This technique, which is used by psychics and palm readers, is a way to make the other person feel like you understand what makes them tick, and what they’re going through, without them telling you.
The trick with Cold Reads is that the “observations” you’re making apply to virtually anyone. Yet there are psychological reasons why they work so effectively.
Human beings are self-centered, and we generally accept claims about ourselves that reflect how we wish to be.
Also, people are vain. We want to be seen as unique. Even though Cold Reads are usually vague generalizations — which would apply to your sister, just as they would to the hottie in the VIP room at the club — we want to agree with the person who skillfully “reads” us, and we’ll believe they have unusual powers of perception.
So forget about asking the generic “job interview” questions. (“So what’s your name,” “where are you from,” etc.) Get ORIGINAL with your strategy in order to capture her attention and impress her with your charm and confidence.
If I’m in a club, talking to some babe who’s acting hard to get, I’ll use a Cold Read:
“Y’know, Andrea, I get the sense that a lot of guys get the wrong idea when they first meet you. They think you’re stand-offish and a bit cold. But you’re actually a lot more sensitive, and funny, than people realize.”
Another example: “I get the sense it takes you a while to trust people, because you’ve been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you’re always there for them.”
Or, “I can tell that you’re someone who usually plays it safe and doesn’t take chances, but sometimes you’ve regretted it because you missed out on an opportunity. But then other times, you’re spontaneous and adventurous, and you do take chances…and that’s when you’ve had some of the best times of your life.”
If she agrees with my “read”–and honestly, I’ve never had a woman totally disagree–I’ll follow up by telling her that I can relate, because I’m the same way.
This builds a bond between me and her. In order to solidify the bond, I’ll tell a quick story — one that illustrates how I’m the same type of person.
(If you’ve got five Cold Reads ready to use, you should also have five short stories to illustrate how you embody those same qualities.)
Here’s another cool one: “I can tell something has been weighing on your mind. You’re on the verge of making an important decision in your life, aren’t you.”
Pretty much all of us, at any given time, are contemplating a big decision (or one that is big to us, at least). Regardless, she’ll be surprised and impressed that you knew that about her.
She’ll volunteer more information about herself — and now you’re engaged in a deep, authentic conversation instead of trying to fill awkward silences.
Much of what a cold reader does is simply repeating back what the subject has said. If she affirms that she’s on the verge of making a big decision, you should nod wisely and say, “Yes, that’s right, and you’re really having a hard time with it.”
Act as if you already KNEW what she was going to say!
Some other Cold Reads that are vague yet “profound”:
“I can tell you have a strong need for others to like and admire you, but you also have a tendency to be critical of yourself.”
“You’ve got a hidden talent, or a passion, that most people don’t know about, and you want to pursue it– but something is holding you back.”
“At times, you’re really social and outgoing. But other times, you’re reserved and introverted.”
Once you add Cold Reads to your conversations with women, you’ll get a feel for which ones work best.
This is just one example of an original, thought-provoking conversational tactic.
P.S. To learn the COMPLETE arsenal, and how to use them with expert precision in any situation, check out this.