How to Start a Conversation With a Girl You Don’t Know (8 Easy & Simple Ways)


Let’s face the awful truth… talking to gorgeous women isn’t natural for many of us.

So much of anxiety and energy is wasted just summoning up the courage to approach the woman we want, that by the time the conversation starts we are already burnt out and run out of things to say.

However, keeping a FUN, PLAYFUL, and FLIRTATIOUS conversation with a woman you like does not have to be that difficult.

But when you start talking to a woman, and immediately catch yourself having the dreaded “interview mode” type conversation with her — where you keep on asking her one “boring” question after another about her college, job, what she does for fun, where she grew up in, or any other type of other questions that may resemble she’s at a job interview — then you can be certain you’ll immediately be placed into the dreaded “friend zone.”

With that important thing in mind, I’ve chosen a list of 8 effective ways to have a conversation that are filled with FUN and BANTER — and that ultimately allows you to ESCALATE your conversation toward your objective: getting her back to your sack.

1. AVOID Asking A LOT of Questions, Instead, Make Statements…

As soon as most guys start to talk with a woman they like, they immediately barrage her with one “boring” question after another, because they secretly think doing so will engage her and she won’t leave.

But THESE types of questions often tend to be boring.

You know, the “get to know you better” kind of questions — the sort of questions your aunt at a Christmas party may ask you.

Why asking too many questions is a big mistake?

Well, asking a lot of questions not only makes her feel bored, but it’ll also prevent her from becoming really engaged in the conversation.

What most guys often do is they’ll immediately start jumping from one question to another, WITHOUT even taking a moment to expand on a topic that they can clearly tell the girl enjoys talking about.

Try THIS Instead:

Anytime you are having a conversation with a woman and you ask her a question…

Make sure to respond her answer with a statement instead of moving on to the next question.

Doing this not only shows her that you are actually paying attention to her, but it also tells her subtly that you are capable of connecting with her on a whole different level.

And this will also lead the conversation towards much more FUN, PLAYFUL, and SEXUAL topics later.

Here’s an example:

You: “So do you have any pets?”

Her: “Yes, I actually have two of the cutest cats in the world.”

You: “Um… so you’re one of those girls with cats, eh? (sly smile)”

Her: “Haha… stop it… no, I’m not one of those crazy cat women… I just love cats.”

You: “They say people who like cats tend to be more independent than dog lovers. Is that true?”

You see, just by responding her answer with a statement (not with a question), you are easily able to explore more on the topic and also bring in the element of fun and banter to the conversation.

2. “Qualify HER”, Instead of “Qualifying Yourself”

Once a guy senses there’s a good rapport between him and the girl he’s talking to, he then becomes afraid of breaking that rapport or saying anything wrong/stupid that may ruin it.

So he plays it “safe,” talking about friendly (aka “boring”) topics.

But doing this will only be counter-productive…

Because it often end up making a girl feel bored even though she may have been attracted to you at first.

Try THIS Instead

Once you sense there’s a little bit of “attraction” between the two of you, you must begin to qualify her by asking her questions or making statements that’ll immediately put you in the role of the “selector“, instead of the “selectee.”

What I mean by THIS is that you make a statement about her that disqualifies her as a potential partner (or a lover)…

Here’s an example:

You: So you are fond of pets?

Her: Yes, I have 3 cute cats.

You: Mmm… we would never get along. I like dogs. And what I’ve heared that is that a cat and dog owners often tend to have a strong sexual connection… but I completely disagree on all other points.

Did you just notice what just did there?

You took a very “safe” topic (like pets) and by qualifying her, you were able to bring up an element of “sexuality” into the interaction.

AND, by stating “we would never get along” you also place a pressure of approval seeking on her part — not on yours.

3. Talk About What You are PASSIONATE or ENTHUSIASTIC About

Because most guys often get stuck in “interview mode” topics like job, career, and school… they rarely get a chance to display their interesting and passionate side to a woman they’re talking to.

Rather, they bore the woman by talking about boring topics.

Try THIS Instead

If you ask a woman what she desires in a man, I bet almost all of them will tell you: passion.

So when you are talking to a woman, make sure to talk about things you are passionate and enthusiastic about.

Having passion towards something can help you ELEVATE a ‘normal’ topic like photography to an engaging conversation… within minutes.

So, if you love to playing football or basketball, let her get a sense of what exactly about the sports excites you SO much.

Or, if you are passionate about starting a business, let her see the leader side in you, or your entrepreneurial side of you.

If you love art, music, food, movies, express it.

Talking about your passions DOESN’T mean boasting your knowledge about those topics…

Instead, it simply means explaining to her what exactly about them that excites you.

Women are looking for men who have DRIVE, AMBITION, and PASSION, men who know exactly what they want and go after it.

So, let that side of your personality shine through.

4. Use “Cold Readings” to Delve into the Emotional

We men are logical creatures, and love to talk about facts, figures, events, and interesting surface level information.

While all these materials should be enough for having a great conversation with a woman… they somewhat limit your ability to venture out in certain areas that can actually spark passion inside a woman.

Unlike men, women get turned on by talking about the mysticals, you know, the deeper level talks.

We love to dive deep into the topic and find the emotional meaning behind all the facts, events, and surface level stories.

So if you never show to a woman that you know how to communicate with her on THIS whole different level…

Then you’re missing out on a wonderful opportunity to SEPARATE YOURSELF from men who don’t.

Try THIS Instead

Next time you’re interacting with a woman, rather than just talk about surface level topics, try applying a cold reading tactic that’ll allow you to delve deep beneath the surface level, and get her to open up a lot of her repressed — and long forgotten — emotions.

Cold readings is simply a way of stating something you noticed about her, and then making a deeper observation about it.

Here’s an example:

You: I can tell just by talking to you for a while that you’re the type of girl who goes out on a lot of dates but often has a lot o difficult time finding someone who is truly interested in you. And then, whe you finally meet that person, you quickly lose interest.

Her: Yes, that’s me.

You: I am sure you love adventure… and it scares you, but it also excites you deep down inside you. And what’s actually happening is every time you meet these guys… you have that gut feeling that they are never going to satisfy that adventure you desire so much.

THIS example allowed you to dive deep into the emotional… establish yourself as someone who is new, different, and exciting, who might just be the “cure” for all her problems.

5. Tease Her to ‘Spark’ INSTANT Chemistry…

When most men approach a beautiful woman, they put her on a pedestal… and because of this, they tend to treat her like she is royalty.

Most men become deathly afraid of offending her.

They become so worried about looking cool or coming up with the perfect thing to say, that the conversation quickly fizzles out.

As I previously discussed in how to make women laugh, women want a guy that is fun to be around.

The TRUTH is we’re all still children at heart.

Although most of us love a good intellectual conversation from time to time…

When we are out at a bar or on a date, we just want to relax, laugh a little bit, and have a good time

Forgetting about the worries and stress in our life.

And the best way to do that is to keep the conversation PLAYFUL and FUN.

Most men are under the false impression that beautiful women don’t want to talk to them.

This is not the case!

Beautiful women crave FUN and SEXY conversations just as much as we men do.

Here’s the FACT: There are so few men who know how to pique a woman’s interest through talking to her, that she is actually dying to meet a man who can.

The main reason most men don’t communicate well with women is that they let their nervousness and anxiety prevent them from showing a woman their “FUN” side.

The second biggest reason a man doesn’t connect with a woman is that he doesn’t talk to her in a way that she responds to.

6. FOCUS on the “Emotions” (Feelings) Instead of Facts and Figures…

Women are completely different creatures than us men.

As discussed earlier, women often like to delve in the underlying meaning behind surface level topics and the emotions they evoke.

It’s also true that the emotions that you are generating through your conversation topics she’ll unconsciously associate them to you.

By anchoring emotions, I mean if you are talking about religion and all of a sudden she starts sharing all the negative feelings she has about it because her parents got divorced over a different point of view, then she’ll start to associate those bad feelings with you.

Try THIS Instead

Now, if it is true that women will associate negative feelings to you, then it must also be true that women will associate positive feelings towards you.

This is why it is so crucial to bringing her into a positive emotional state.

And the best way to do that is to tease her.

Another way to do that is to ask her questions or make statements that compels her to talk about particular feelings she has for something.

So, for example, as you are talking to a woman and she casually brings the fact that she loves to go skiing, rather than having a conversation about facts such as where she usually go for skiing, or what kind of equipment does she use (you know, the sort of question you would ask your male buddy) instead get her to talk about the feelings she experiences while skiing.

You: What did you do for fun last week?

Her: I went skiing. I had the best time of my life.

You: Amazing. I love skiing too. I think I’m really addicted to the rush of adrenaline I experience when going down the mountain. What about you? What do you like most about skiing?

Her: Well I love that feeling of adventure… I like being SO scared… to go SO fast, while at the same time, not wanting to end the fun because it feels so amazing and alive.

In the above example, you just took a “mundane” topic like skiing and talked about the meaning behind it and all the emotions it evokes.

And because all these emotions are POSITIVE, you’ve generated a positive mood, and she subconsciously anchors those feelings of excitement, adventure to you, and do not want it to end too soon.

7. Tell Her “More Stories” (that Brings out Your “Positive Side”)

Whenever we guys are together with our friends, it becomes almost like a competition as to who can tell the most engaging story.

We often want to outdo each other by telling stories that make us appear the coolest, the funniest, or the most dominant guy in the pack.

Yet for an unknown reason when we are around women we completely forget to make use of THIS vital skill.

A woman wants to figure things about you own her own.

She doesn’t actually have to trust anything you are saying to her, so she starts to look for little clues that’ll help her figure out where you are in the pecking order.

Stories are an incredible way to engage someone’s attention.

And if do it correctly, they can also become a powerful way to display finer points about your persona.

When you are telling a story, you need to understand that a woman is not only listening to your story, but she’s also reading all the meaning behind all those lines to make certain judgements about you as a person.

Let’s say, for example, you tell her a story how Wednesday afternoon you were taking a nap in bed with a hangover and all of a sudden someone kept knocking on the door…

Until you finally decided to answer it, and realised that they were those annoying religious groupies trying to convert you into some strange new religion.

Well, while may have wanted to tell her a story about those funny religious dudes, she has already started to pigeonhole you as the sort of guy who often gets drunk on Tuesday nights, and doesn’t have a job he has to wake up early to go to, and no ambition whatsoever to get out of his bed until late afternoon.

Now, unless you both are in college, these days stories like this not necessarily excite women.

Try THIS Instead

When telling her a story, you DO NOT want to brag her about your successes.

This is why it’s very important to hide any positive traits about yourself within a larger story.

What I mean by this is, while the story not necessarily has to be positive, she must be at least be able to uncover some positive traits about you from within the story.

Now, let’s go back to the same story about those annoying religious folks and see how we can spin it to shed some positive light on your personality.

You: So Wednesday afternoon I was taking a nap. This was like the first comfortable sleep I’ve had in the last couple of months as I’ve been so busy trying to take my online business to the next level. Tuesday night I scored a great contract and me and my buddy thought why not celebrate. So now Wednesday morning I’m lying in my bed, with a little bit of hangover I haven’t had for years… and I keep hearing an annoying knock on the door. I just didn’t want to get out of the bed because later that night I have a few more meetings to attend, so I really wanted to sleep so I would be in top shape to deliver the proposal. Well, the knocking stops for like fifteen minutes… but then it starts up again. And now they’re ringing the bell too. Finally, I get up my bed and throw on some clothes and walk downstairs to answer the door… and I notice these two little girls. At first, I assumed they wanted to sell me some girl scout cookies, but then, she gives me this flyer that says, “let Jesus save you from your treacherous life” and I’m thinking “am I on some sort of list or something…”

In THIS new version of the story, I included just enough details to let her jump to the conclusion that I am an ambitious and successful businessman.

But I never said it directly.

Instead, I gave all these juicy details in the context of a story about a couple of annoying weird looking religious girls who wanted to convert me.

8. Pay Attention to the “Non-Verbal’s”…

Recently, I published an article called How To Effortlessly Draw A Woman Into Your Conversations.

This article goes on to explain in detail about all the subtle things you must be doing to display that you are a SOCIAL, FUN, and CONFIDENT guy that she should feel excited to be having a conversation with.

Most guys are scared of doing this.

Rather, most guys let their anxiety, shyness and nervousness get in their way.

They wind up coming across as tense, fidgety, and even slightly awkward.

This often happens because while talking to a woman most men often end up getting stuck in their head.

They start concentrating REALLY HARD on how to “impress” the woman they’re talking to.

Try THIS Instead

I want to share with you an amazing tip that I learned from very well known pickup artists: When talking to a woman, you must imagine that she has already told you she would later sprawl out naked on your bed for you and let her have your way with her.

Now, if you knew THIS BASIC FACT, how would you act around women?

You would most likely act quite laid back, with a sly smile on your face, and you would have absolutely no issue getting the flirtatious and fun element to shine through your personality because you’re not scared of the rejection.

Well, now, can you imagine how talking to women this way can actually SPEED UP your chances of getting a lot of women back to your place?

Give it a try when talking to a girl next time.

Keep on learning

If you enjoyed reading this blog, then click here to watch this free video presentation to learn how to “hot wire” a woman’s emotion (and create instant attraction).


  1. […] There are many subtleties of conversation, but one of the most crucial ones is having the ability to turn any conversation topics you’re given into full conversations. With the ability to “thread cut” you can effortlessly come up with good conversation topics, stay away from entering into bad conversation topics, and talk about what you both want to talk about when you want to talk about it. In short, it’s simply that mastery over a conversation. […]


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