So are you STILL asking the pressing question, “how do I talk to a girl I am interested in?”
“What should I say to her to make her like me?”
“What are the best pick up lines that work almost all the time?”
“How to keep the conversation going with a woman I desire… because I always seem to run out of things to say?”
I get questions like these from guys from all walks of life… almost every day.
And, here’s my answer to all these pressing questions:
You have a conversation with a woman just like you would to your buddy, with only two BIG differences:
a) You must create ATTRACTION first before you build rapport with her on a deeper level…
And you do that by playfully bantering with her, teasing her, etc… before you start building a connection with her.
That’s how you avoid the dreaded friend zone and enter the “wow… I can’t believe how crazy I am into this dude…” zone.
If you are very good at being friends with women, then congratulations, you have already got the connection part of the equation.
If that’s the case, you only need to sprinkle a bit of attraction at the beginning of your conversation with a woman and then add a little of attraction throughout all of your interactions with her, and after that, she’ll begin pursuing you.
After building rapport, you must also be willing to break it.
This is the kind of tension you must build in order to have an engaging (attractive) conversation rather of a boring one.
How do you break a rapport with a girl? By disagreeing with her (without having an argument with her), playfully teasing her, freely sharing your real opinion even if she may not like it, and being a little bit of a challenge and mysterious.
And then, in addition to using these two tactics mentioned above, there are additional 10 tactics you can follow to take your conversations with women to the “next level”…
Listen. All of these tactics must be applied during your 1st conversation with a woman, all except #1 tactic must be applied during your first few (3 to 5) conversations with her, and almost ALL of these tactics must be applied during ALL of your conversations with the woman you’re trying to attract (only after she’s in love with YOU and you both are in a committed in a relationship, then you can relax a bit for a while, but you must always keep these few things in the back of your mind):
1. Don’t overthink about the opener…
Look, it’s certain that you cannot attract a girl uttering only a few simple sentences.
So, rather than getting stuck inside your head, trying to come up with something clever to say, but then never introducing yourself to her, just because you could not come up with anything in time, just get the conversation going.
If she holds eye contact with you for just a little longer than usual, then it’s your cue to walk up to her and say, “Hi.”
Remember: You can always build attraction later. You don’t have to spark attraction with the first line you say to her.
You can use a witty banter if you want, but you don’t have to if you don’t want.
Just approaching a girl and saying, “Hi” is 1000 times better than never talking to her in the first place or run the risk of coming across as a try hard.
So, just start a conversation with a girl you want no matter what way you can, okay?
Then, once you start talking to her…
2. Let HER talk…
Listen. Your number one goal during your conversation with a woman you want to date or hook up with must always be to “steer” the conversation… while allowing her to do most of the talking. <= Read that 3X.
Most guys wind up talking too much on a date. They often talk a lot about themselves. Why? Because they want to convince her that they are worth dating.
Instead of talking about yourself, put your FOCUS on her and get her talking … by asking her open-ended questions, and I can assure you’ll get more dates than you might have in the past.
For example, you can ask her open-ended questions like:
- “If you had all the money in the world, what would you be doing and why?”
- “Tell me three interesting things about you that I don’t know about you…”
- “If you could be any animal, what would you chose to be and why?”
Etc, etc, etc.
Remember this: she should be talking most (about 70 to 80%) of the time.
So, just do that — LET HER TALK…
Not only it is super simple and easier to keep the conversation going with her doing this, but it also makes you come across as a super ATTRACTIVE dude.
Ask her a few questions and get her talking, and then, sit back and chill while she does most of the talking… instead of talking about yourself and trying too hard ‘what to say’ to her.
And once you hear her response, follow up by asking her a few more questions and let her talk even more…
- “Do you want to tell me more about that?”
- “Oh my god, that was super interesting… why did you think X was X?”
- “What is it that made you SO interested in X?”
Here’s the secret: A woman likes you more when you allow her to talk more vs. how much you talk.
Ironically, when she does most of the talking and sharing, she thinks you are an amazing conversationalist.
She also thinks you are mysterious…
She thinks you are interesting…
She thinks you are a great listener…
She also feels closer to you…
She also notices, sub-consciously, that you are not trying to make her like you by showing her how awesome you are and that makes her desire you more…
She feels more comfortable with you and more attracted to you at the same time when you allow her to talk more than you do. <== This is what we are aiming for.
Simply allowing a girl to talk is one of the most well-kept secrets of attracting women. It’s almost impossible to state how important this skill set is if you truly want her to pursue YOU.
3. Share brief, interesting stories from your life rather than list facts and resume stats about your life…
Once she is starting to talk with you, you can then begin sharing BRIEF, INTERESTING stories that are related to what she is saying, which give her ideas about ‘who you are’ as a person.
For instance, if she says she would travel to as many countries in the world as possible if she “won” a lottery ticket and then goes on to tell you a travel story or two (because you asked her a follow up question, “Omg, you love to travel too? Tell me one of your best travel stories from the past couple of years”)…
Then you can…
- Tell her one interesting story that happened on your recent trip…
- If you haven’t travelled a lot, no worries. You could share an interesting hiking trip, or fun road trip story, or a camping trip that had an impact on you, etc.
Keep your story short and sweet… but take as much time as possible while explaining how you felt in each moment (“OMG, you don’t know how nervous I was on the plane… because it was a 24 hour long flight from LA to New Delhi… and since India is such a different place… Plus, it was my first international travel solo. Then, once I got there, I felt overwhelmed at first with all the people. And that’s when this funny story happened… (tell her a funny story that happened during your trip to India)… And by the time I left, I was actually feeling sad to leave the place; but deep down I also felt a deep sense of accomplishment and a new level of confidence because I went outside of my comfort zone…”)
Then, once you finish your short, sweet, and interesting relevant story, ask her another open-ended question… and keep letting her do most of the talking.
4. Keep it LIGHT, funny, and PLAYFUL…
Nothing destroys an attraction quicker than a SERIOUS conversation. <== Read that 3X…
Look, you do not have to have a serious conversation with a woman about some heavy and sensitive topics to generate some type of “deep” rapport with her.
Let the FUN that you both are having together be the reason for your connection with her.
Listen, love and attraction are all about being light, fun, and playful; no way they are “serious.” <== This is the NUMBER ONE relationship myths floating around in the community today.
In fact, you can build STRONG rapport (or “deep emotional connection”) with a woman by doing something together with her that neither of you has done together before (and having FUN) then you can by having ANY sort of conversation.
And, even after you’ve been with your girlfriend for a few years, you must find some time to take her out every once a week or two simply to HAVE FUN (not talking about serious topics like going out for shopping, talking about your crappy boss, etc) in order to create and maintain that romantic bonds…
So, stay away from serious, sensitive topics, okay?
Don’t talk about topics like politics, religion, and sex.
They will NEVER make her attracted to you.
At worst, talking about those heavy topics easily KILLS her attraction for you.
So, don’t even think about going there.
If she does, that’s okay.
Simply state your viewpoint about it, if you want, and then gently “steer” the conversation towards a more light, positive topic.
And, don’t make her your therapist or try to be hers…
If you have problems in your life, then fix them on your own time.
And of course, do not TELL how much you like her or how you feel about her (instead SHOW to her how you feel by attracting her the right way instead).
Remember: keep your conversation light, fun, playful, and flirtatious, and you’ll always do better.
5. Limit your compliments…
This is another tactic to keep a conversation going light and fun…
But you must limit yourself to ONE genuine compliment per date.
A. If it’s your first conversation with a woman or your first, second, and third date with her, you actually do not know much about her yet.
So, your compliments sound shallow.
When you give her a compliment during one of your first couple of conversations with her, what you are basically saying to her is, “Listen. I am very very attracted to you so I am starting to assume all kinds of things about you and projecting all kinds of positive traits onto you when in fact I don’t even really know you that much yet… wait, did I say to youare extremely good-looking?”
B. Women know that men will say anything just to get them…
So, your compliments have little or no effect because they run straight into her main guards (and they can cause her to put up her defences even more.)
C. When you are complimenting a girl a lot, what you are basically doing is you are trying to convince her to like you (and, even if that’s not the case, it comes across as that way)…
And when a woman feels that you are trying to get her to like you, she immediately starts to lose her attraction for you.
D. Another reason why you’re complimenting a girl is that you think it will make her like you more and you think it will make her feel good.
Listen. It doesn’t make her feel good when you compliment her A LOT and it doesn’t get her to like you… so stop using this strategy.
6. Compliment her, and challenge her…
The good strategy is to give her ONE genuine compliment and then challenge her.
“You are amazing… it’s too bad I am still NOT attracted to you. ” 😉
And, “You know what? I am really enjoying getting to know you better… but it’s too bad… I don’t go out with blondes anymore.” 😉
The two compliments followed immediately with a playful challenging line are way effective 10million times effective than…
- “Oh… you are SO amazing…”
- “Ohhhh… you are SO beautiful…”
Doing this is extremely important especially during your first 2 to 3 conversations with a woman, but you can use these lines to spark some tension, anytime, anywhere (you can also use these lines on women you are friends with and observe how they reacts just to see if there’s any romantic connection between the two of you.)
7. AVOID complimenting on her body…
If you must compliment a woman, don’t compliment on her body.
Look: she already knows she is a bombshell because she approached her, talked to her, and asked her for her number, and then, you asked her out on a date, etc, etc…
So, you don’t have to tell her about that.
It’s simply not required.
And, if you do, you run the risk of destroying any attraction with her.
Listen, women want their man to like them for who she is as a person, and not just for her looks.
So don’t compliment on all the physical attributes that make you desire her; if you can, tell something about who she is:
Few examples of doing this;
“Hey, I really do respect that you do like animals. That’s really really cool.”
Or, “You know what I like the most about you so far? You seem the kind of girl who’ll go against everything and be your own boss.”
Or, “I’m not sure what it is, but I really like your vibe right now.”
Now, there’s an exception to this is if you say something about her body that is NOT related to her sexuality and something that she quite doesn’t often hear…
Here’s an example, “You know what, this might come across as strange, but for an unknown reason, I really like your ears (nose, chin, etc.)”
At least you’ll score some brownie points for saying something original like that.
(Don’t compliment about her body).
8. Be able to and willing to change topics as you like…
Rather than having a LOGICAL, LINEAR conversation with a woman, allow yourself to have a conversation that flows naturally.
When you’re having a conversation with her, and if she abruptly changes the topic, don’t hold on to the previous topic rigidly and insist on keeping talking about it.
Just let it go.
The same thing applies if you’re telling her an engaging story and let’s say you got interrupted (the waiter comes over, etc)… do not continue telling the story … unless she asks you to.
Instead, start a new topic.
For example, ask her another great “open-ended question.”
And, don’t be afraid of changing topics randomly yourself…
Why? Because women are so used to changing topics in a blink of an eye and will effortlessly be able to follow the conversation no matter how many random topics you talk about with them.
And remember: When you are having a conversation with a woman, the EMOTIONS you both are feeling are what matters the most; not the words that you say, or the topics that you are talking about, or the ideas that you are trying to get across, or the arguments you both are presenting…
So just let go and have FUN with her and let the conversation FLOW naturally (remember: keep it light, fun, and playful)
9. Break rapport sometimes…
The biggest difference between having a conversation with a woman you are attracted to and a friend is that in order for a woman to be attracted to you back, in addition to building rapport, you must be willing to break it with her.
In short, you have to build an ATTRACTION in addition to making a connection with her.
That’s the number one secret of keeping yourself out of the dreaded friend zone.
So, whenever you find yourself talking to a woman you’re attracted to, make sure to break rapport with her sometimes.
Example of breaking rapport with a girl would be giving her a compliment and then challenging her, as mentioned earlier.
Or, tell her something she said or did is a “deal breaker” for you… and you’re going to “break up” with her.
For example, “What? You just said you like XYZ band? Okay, that’s it. I am going to break up with you.”
Or, when she talks about things you agree with, do not just jump right in by saying, “Oh la… we have SO much in common… we should move in together!”
Rather say something along the lines, “You know what… something’s not right… we have too many things in common. We should probably stop hanging out with each other.” 😉
Or, you could say, “STOP making me like you… it’s absolutely not fair.” =)
Also, feel free to DISAGREE with her… without getting into an argument with her.
And, state your opinions and viewpoints freely.
Sometimes, you can even DISAGREE with her for fun even if you DO agree with her… just to rekindle that spark of attraction if it wasn’t there already.
Rather than just “trying” to connect with her, allow the connection to establish naturally… by letting her do most of the talking (70 to 80% of the time) and having a blast with her, and then, sparking some attraction by BREAKING rapport with her sometimes. <== Remember, this is the most ATTRACTIVE type of conversation you can have with a woman.
10. Don’t run into an argument with her…
While it is super important that you sometimes disagree and break rapport with her, you should NEVER ever run into an argument with a woman you want to hook up or date with.
Well, here’s why: for the simple fact that you can never “win” an argument with a woman even if you are “right.”
Even if you made her see your argument was correct, the way you make her feel when you run into an argument with her sparks a strong negative feeling that work like fire for you.
So, yes, go ahead and disagree and break up a rapport with her… but do it without arguing with her.
Use words like “in my opinion…” and “I think…” before making statements about something.
This way, you come across as someone who is just stating his thoughts and opinions; and you are NOT trying to make her believe that you are right, and that she is wrong, or that you are trying to “win” her argument.
Remember this: your viewpoints and opinions don’t require others… and you certainly don’t need to convince others of anything (particularly a woman you want to hook up or date).
Again, keep the mood light, fun, and playful, and you’ll always do right with girls.
BONUS tip: Just make a pause for a few seconds right after she finishes talking…
Taking a brief pause can help you get out of your head and be present “in the moment” when talking with a woman…
And, taking a pause also helps you become a bit more mysterious and confident to the girl you’re talking to.
Try this tonight: Next time you’re having a conversation with a woman, take a pause for a 2 to 3 seconds after every time she finishes responding before you respond to her.
You’ll find that many times, she’ll begin to start talking with you again just to keep the conversation going. And, whatever she says will most likely going to be more meaningful and a little deeper this time than what she said the first time.
If you do this correctly, she’ll feel a very strong connection with you and comfort around you.
Just throw in a little bit of playful banter and teasing and you’re SO money.
Remember this: The BIGGEST secret to having an amazing time with a woman is to be “present in the moment” with her… instead of racking your brains out thinking about “what to say next”…
Because you are not thinking about GETTING any kind of outcome from her — impressing her, or getting a kiss from her, or taking her back to your apartment, etc — you’ll naturally wind up having a much more interesting conversation with her.
Recapping everything we just learned…
Let me go over all the points for you again: keep it light, fun, and playful, and have as much FUN as you can with a woman you’re talking to. Once you get her talking, sit back and relax, and let her do most of the talking — particularly about herself. Once in a while, share short interesting stories. Instead of worrying about what to say next, pro-actively listen to her, and follow up with asking related questions, or making observations about her. This will make the conversation flow naturally and freely. And, feel free to express your voice, opinions, and thoughts on anything… without being a jerk. Just don’t hold back. And, then, once in a while, disagree with her… without being disagreeable and break rapport with her to keep the tension alive and building.
Remember, if you only follow these 10 conversation tactics we just discussed in this post every time you’re having a conversation with a woman you want to hook up or date with, you can be 100% certain that you’re going to be 97% more ATTRACTIVE than most guys out there.
In short, you’ll be millions of miles ahead of other guys who don’t know how to have fun, playful, and flirtatious conversation small talk…
And, if you want to take your conversation skills to the next level, I highly recommend that you watch this free video presentation that walks you through how to use a weird conversation trick that gets her flirty and wild within seconds, even if you’re not her type.
And, one more thing… always remember this when it comes to talking to a woman you want to attract into your life: the words you use to talk with her and the context of your conversation is equally important than the actual words itself…
So, if you just invest your time and energy on yourself, developing your social skills, dating skills, body language, and your conversational skills, you’ll quickly become the most attractive version of yourself in no time at all and then having a natural and attractive conversations with a woman becomes just like a walk in the park. It becomes almost like breathing.
And, at the end of the day, that’s what we are all aiming for.
P.S. Here’s another related article on the topic: Small Talk Secrets: How To Make Small Talk FUN And Sexy With Women