3 questions about Shyness, Keeping a Conversation Going, and Creating a Better Connection with a Woman
I had a chance to interview Bobby Rio, creator of Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy.
Since the topic of the program is creating more fun, flirtatious, and “sexual” conversations with women- I figured I’d get some tips out of him for improving your conversation skills and creating attraction in women.
1. How can a guy who is naturally “shy “or “introverted” learn to become a great conversationalist that can attract women?
Well, this question is pretty personal for me… because I was the DEFINITION of an introvert. And it wasn’t just with women. I had trouble talking to anyone outside of my small circle of friends.
And this was the biggest frustration I felt while trying to learn how to attract women. I knew what to say… but couldn’t bring myself to say it. And whenever I got into a conversation with a woman my mind would sort of freeze up, and even though I had learned all this cool shit… I would hear myself saying the same boring stuff.
I’m going to tell you what changed EVERYTHING for me.
It was when I stopped trying so hard to appear “cool.”
A major reason a lot of guys can’t bring themselves to open up around women is because they are so focused on seeming “cool.” This causes them to OVER THINK everything.
But here is a lesson that took me a LONG time to figure out. Women don’t want “cool.” They want FUN.
They are EXTREMELY forgiving of corny jokes, slip ups, blunders… if they are having fun talking to you.
So tonight, when you’re out- give yourself permission to be a little silly. And for god sakes LOOSEN up a bit.
2. What is one tip you can give someone to help them learn to “keep a conversation going?”
One of the biggest problems men complain about is running out of things to talk about. This usually happens for two reasons. First, the conversation stalls out because they don’t recognize how to smoothly change a conversation thread. The second reason the conversation stalls out is because the men don’t provide enough new threads for the women to grab onto.
What usually happens is a man will ask a question, and then immediately begin to think about what he is going to say next. Because of this, he isn’t really focused on listening to what the woman is saying, and misses new conversation topics that he could have easily transitioned into.
Try this instead:
The next time you are talking to a woman always try to present her with several different topics that she can latch onto when crafting your sentences.
For example, instead of just saying “I love baseball,” which limits the conversation thread to the topic of baseball…
Say, “I love baseball because when I was young my father you used to take me to games, and now that I’m older I feel a real sense of nostalgia towards it.”
Now instead of forcing her to talk about baseball, she has the option of transitioning to one of the other threads you’ve brought up. She can tell a story of somewhere her dad used to take her when she was a little girl. Or she can talk about any number of things she feels nostalgia for.
Now when she is talking, you should be listening for the same openings that she is giving you.
For example, if she says “I love to cook, my mom taught me how to cook, and now I even find myself watching those stupid cooking shows on TV”
Instead of just staying on the cooking thread you can say something like, “yea, I’m the same way with those travel shows on TV… I start watching them and get sucked into all of the amazing locations… where would you go on vacation if money wasn’t a factor?”
Do you see how easy it was to transition to a new topic simply by taking one word (tv) and improvising off it to a completely new topic.
Most men are under the false impression that beautiful women don’t want to talk to them. This is not the case. Beautiful women crave fun and flirtatious conversations just as much as we do. The fact is, there are so few men who know how to peak a woman’s interest through talking to her, that she is actually dying to meet a man who can.
3. What was the biggest “a ha” moment you had in regards of creating better connections with women?
I have spent a lot of years reading books on conversation SKILLS… and listening to audio programs… and going to seminars…
I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time “testing out” the ideas that I’ve learned in these various books and programs.
As a result of all this “trying stuff out”, I’ve come to the realization that you cannot avoid small talk.
As much as some “gurus” try to tell you that you need to avoid “fluff” talk like the plague… let’s face it… it is just not possible.
Not only is it not possible… there is absolutely no reason to avoid small talk.
A lot of the reason that “small talk” has gotten such a bad reputation is because for most guys small talks means going back and forth like a tennis match with a succession of asking and answering boring questions with the girl… And once the questions run dry… you’re both standing there bored senseless, awkwardly waiting for the other one to say something…
But that’s not small talk… that is just mangled conversation skills.
In fact, as I began to really pay attention to the guys that could spend HOURS comfortably in the ZONE with women… I noticed that more than 75% of their conversation was small talk.
But it was FUN small talk.
There is a HUGE difference.
Small talk is sort of like the highway the two of you are driving on together. It is the long winding road that takes you from point A to point B.
Along the way there is going to be some bumps in the road, some traffic, and some thoughts of “are we there yet?”
Since you know that it is inevitable…
Don’t bitch and complain about it… Instead, roll the windows down, pump up the radio; put the pedal to the medal… and ENJOY THE RIDE.
You’ve just learned one of the important pieces of the puzzle for changing: AWARENESS.
Now that you KNOW that you don’t need to avoid small talk, you can start to EMBRACE IT…
Now you just need to learn some specific techniques to MAKE SMALL TALK SEXY… and begin to create conversations that flow naturally along this highway.
I think that guys are going to be surprised to learn how many techniques and tools are available to make a conversation more interesting and engaging- and I think they are going to kick themselves of for not using them sooner.
If you want to see a sample of some of things you’re going to learn read though “Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy”
The one thing I want to leave you with is: No matter how intimidated you are by the thought of becoming a “smooth talker”… you really are a lot closer than you think.
Once you make a handful of “tweaks” you’ll find that you actually enjoy talking to women- and will begin to see how easy it is to create attraction.