When starting conversations with girls, think in terms of Opener + Transition. This is the key to engaging women in good conversations. The two don’t need to be related at all. For example, I can Open a girl by asking her a question about her cell phone — but as soon as she answers, I can Transition onto another topic that is going to get her to share information about herself. (I don’t want to stand there for ten minutes making small-talk about her phone; I want to get to know her!)
You should never need to rely on cliche? Obvious openers like “Do you have the time?” or “Hi, how are you?”
Also, never ask women permission to talk to them. Don’t say things like, “Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you something?” Or, “Pardon me, can I talk to you for a minute?”
This will only cause a woman to go into ‘defensive’ mode; her brain will come up with reasons not to engage in an interaction with you. It’s a built-in defence mechanism.
You’re some random guy and your intentions are unclear. She’s thinking if she does allow you to talk to her, what’s going to happen next? Are you going to hit on her? Are you going to try to trap her in some boring conversation that she’ll need to escape from? Are you going to try to sell her something? What’s the deal here?
The point is, you never want to give her the opportunity to ‘disqualify’ you and blow you off. Jump right in with an effective Opener and follow with an effective Transition, and you’ll both be smiling and talking to each other without ever giving her ‘defence mechanisms’ a chance to kick in.
Just use common sense with these Openers. Obviously, a Japanese woman briskly walking down a crowded street in Tokyo is not going to want to stop and give you language lessons. And, keep in mind that Asian women in public places are self-conscious about other people watching them.
You should try to approach them in isolated areas where there aren’t a lot of other people around. For example, if you’re at an Asian supermarket or at a bookstore, approach the girl when she is browsing by herself. Don’t try to approach when she’s in the check-out line.
A NOTE ON BODY LANGUAGE: Your body language is as important as what you say. Show ‘open’ body language: stand tall, keep your chin up, and look relaxed. Get your hands out of your pockets! If you look awkward and uncomfortable, you’ll make her feel the same way.
Also, take note of her body language. When you deliver your opener, does she look startled or worried? If so, then this probably isn’t going to work out. She might have a boyfriend (or husband) and is nervous about being seen in public talking to you. Or, she might be extremely shy and simply isn’t going to engage in a conversation with a random guy. If she’s showing closed-off body language and looks like she wants to be on her way, don’t push it. Smile, let her go on her way and move on to your next prospect.
Now, let’s talk about some effective Openers and how to use them.
Opener #1: Language Lessons
I’ve found that a great way to start conversations with Asian women is to tell them that you’re trying to learn their language and ask for their help. Open the conversation by using a phrase in their language that you’ve memorized. Then, when she expresses interest in the fact that you seem to know her language, you can smile and laugh (acting a little bit shy and apologetic) and explain to her that you’re just starting to learn, and you actually could use some help ‘real quick.’ (Make it seem like you don’t have much time, but just need a quick bit of assistance.)
For this reason, you should always carry with you a small pad of paper containing your ‘language notes,’ and a pen. Or, you can keep this information programmed into your phone. (I carry an iPhone and have my phrases programmed into my ‘Notes’ application, which is perfect for this.)
Show here your notes and what you’ve been learning. Then, ask her to give you a translation for a phrase you want to know. This technique is also cool because she’s going to move in close to you so that she can help you with your notes. This closes the physical gap.
When you’re in an Asian country, even if you don’t need to speak the local language in order to communicate with the women (which is the case in the Philippines, where everyone speaks at least some English), asking for some quick ‘language lessons’ is an amazing way to meet women.
Also, as a rule, you should always work on building your skills in the language of the Asian women you want to meet. It shows that you respect and appreciate their culture.
Opener #2: Flattery Will Get You Everywhere
One of the many things I love about Asian women is that they are easily flattered by compliments. While I would not advise you to ever say these things to Western women, with Asian women it’s perfectly okay for you to open with a flirtatious compliment such as, ‘you’re so cute’ or ‘you’re very pretty.’ You should deliver this line in her language unless you’re talking to a girl in the Philippines since a Filipina will always understand your English.
It’s incredible how effective these Openers can be with Asian women. As long as you’re smiling and seem harmless and friendly, you will rarely get blown off using one of these lines. She may giggle or blush or if she’s a Filipina, she might downplay it by saying ‘Oh, no, I’m not’… or ‘bola-bola’ (which means she’s saying playfully, ‘you’re a liar’)… but in most cases, she’ll be touched by your compliment and you can now Transition into a conversation.
Sounds easy… It is!
Opener #3: “I Saw You Somewhere”
Look at her, make eye contact, rub your chin, and act like you’re trying to figure out who she is… as if you’ve met her before, but you can’t recall where. Then say, “I know you from somewhere?” She’ll then look at you and try to figure out who you are, and how she’s supposed to know you. Then you can just make up a location where you supposedly saw her before.
For example, I’m in the Philippines, I might say “Were you in Boracay last week?” (The popular beach resort island.) Or, “You were at the Skybar nightclub last night, right? Wearing a sexy red dress?” Just make something up. As a fail-safe, you can say a location that she probably was in. (Say that you saw her recently at the biggest shopping mall in the city.)
If she says no, you must be mistaken, she wasn’t there, then you say “Well, you must have a twin sister. There was this very beautiful girl there, and she looked just like you.” Now, you’ve flattered her. With Filipinas, I know that I can be a huge flirt… and they love it. So instead of using the ‘twin sister’ line, I might say “Hmmm, I guess I saw you in my dream last night.” (Absolutely corny… but it works!) Again, this is simply an Opener that you will use to bridge into a Transition. I’ll explain about Transitions in a moment.
Opener #4: Phone Flirting
If she’s using her cell phone, wait until she finishes her call or her text and then uses this Opener: “Excuse me, what kind of phone is that? I need to buy a phone for a friend of mine, as a birthday gift, and I think that’s the one she wants.”
She’ll tell you the model of her phone, and then say, “Can I take a picture with it real quick? I’d like to see how good the camera is.” Have her show you how to take a picture… then use her phone to take a picture of her. Be playful… don’t just snap a picture of her, have her do a ‘model’ pose. Once you take the picture, she’s naturally going to come in close to you so that she can see the result. (That’s a funny thing about Asian girls; they’re crazy about taking pictures, especially of themselves, and they can’t resist immediately checking how the photo came out.)
Now you can show her your phone. If it’s way less fancy than hers, you can make a joke about it and say you need to upgrade… and ask for her advice. Or if you’re carrying a nice phone, that’s much better since it shows that you’re tech-savvy and you’re into the latest cool devices. Now it’s also going to be super-easy for you to exchange phone numbers with her since your phones are both already out and in hand.
Opener #5: The Birthday Gift
Notice an interesting detail of her appearance… such as her handbag, necklace, earrings, dress, etc. Then say to her, “Excuse me, I really like that (fill in the blank). I need to buy a birthday gift for a friend of mine and I think she’d love something like that… where’s a good place for me to go shopping?”
This opener is effective because you’re bringing up a topic that women naturally enjoy talking about. What girl doesn’t like chatting about good places to shop? Plus, by mentioning that you need to buy a birthday gift for a friend, you’re implying that you’re thoughtful and generous — exactly the kind of boyfriend that Asian girls are looking for.
BONUS TIP: If you find yourself struggling to identify ‘interesting details’ about women that you can use to comment on, here’s a helpful exercise. Sit outside a cafe or coffee shop in an area where there are a lot of pedestrians. Order a drink or some food and spend 30 minutes watching the women who walk by. Try to notice an interesting detail about every one of them. When you ‘train’ your eye to notice these details, it becomes easy to do. Every woman has something about her that you can use to comment on and open a conversation.
It doesn’t need to be an article of clothing or an accessory; I’ve opened conversations by commenting a woman’s smile, her laptop, her dog, the book she’s reading, or even her ‘positive energy’ if she has a sunny disposition.
The Opener is your gateway into the conversation. Once you’ve successfully opened her, you don’t need to stay on that topic (her handbag, her cell phone, learning some phrases n her language, etc.) You can switch to something else.
With an Asian girl you’ve just met, the purpose of the first conversation is to get some basic information about her and communicate that you’re a friendly, respectful single guy who has his life together and has a fun, active lifestyle.
By communicating this information about yourself, you will eliminate questions and concerns from her mind. This way, when you contact her in the future to make plans with her, she won’t be wondering “what if this guy is married?” Or, “Is he the type of guy I might want to date, or is he some weird homeless dude who walks around trying to meet women all day?” (I know, she probably won’t think you’re homeless, but my point is this: by communicating some of your positive qualities to her, she won’t have to wonder about them).
Notice the qualities that I just mentioned. You should communicate that you:
- #1 Are friendly
- #2 Respectful
- #3 Single
- #4 Have your life together
- #5 Lead a fun, active lifestyle
And, I’ll add one more thing if you are meeting women while in an Asian country: you’ll want to let her know the purpose of your visit (Holiday? Business?) and how long you are staying. When you’re a foreigner in an Asian country, the girls will always want to know why you are there.
The idea is to casually mention the above qualities during the conversation. Think of it as ‘planting seeds’ in her mind.
The best way to plant is to ask her questions about herself so that you can then give your own answer. Ask her about her job, and then you can mention your own. Ask her if she lives in the area, and then tell her where you live — and this is your chance to casually mention that you live alone in your apartment, or that you own a house, etc.
Note: Don’t ask women to tell you specifically where they live. Just find out the area. Trying to find out the exact street she lives on might cause her to feel concerned (for all she knows at this point, you might be a stalker).
As for communicating your ‘fun, active lifestyle,’ mention an interesting place you are planning to go tomorrow, or next weekend, and ask if she’s ever been there. This could be a mountain biking trail, a tourist attraction, a festival, famous shopping district, etc. Tie it into one of your hobbies or interests. Mention that you love to get out and explore new places. Tourist attractions are great to ask about if you’re in a foreign country, and it shows that you appreciate her culture. (In the Philippines and Thailand, a lot of the foreigners are there to party and get laid; you want to give the women you meet a different impression.)
I approach a cute Japanese girl and make a comment about her cool cell phone, and ask about the model, features, etc. She gives me a little demonstration and I use this to transition to the topic of jobs: “Wow, you must work at a cell phone store. You know so much about phones.” She giggles and tells me no, she doesn’t work at a cell phone store, so then I ask her what her job really is and she tells me she’s a school teacher. I compliment her on that, and then I mention my own job. I tell her that I own internet business. (Hey, even if you simply have your own blog or website, that qualifies as ‘owning an internet business’ in my opinion. It’s all in how you phrase things!)
Then I ask her if she lives nearby; she says no, she lives on the other side of town. “Oh, ok,” I reply. “I live about ten minutes from there, I just moved into a very nice new apartment… the only problem is that I’m single and I could really use a woman’s opinion on how to decorate the place.” (Or, “I’m thinking about buying a house in that area. Do you think it’s a nice place to live?”)
(If you currently rent a place, mentioning that you’re interested in buying a place will make her ears perk up. And, bringing a girl with you to look at houses is a terrific first date idea.)
See, the best way to convey something positive about yourself is to ask her a question that guides the conversation onto that topic. Keep the conversation moving forward, asking questions and using creative ways to transition to different topics until you’ve planted the necessary seeds.
(As opposed to dealing with Western women, your conversations need to be “softened” when you are dealing with Asian women. It’s all explained in SPECIFIC detail right here, go to this page and download everything if you want more of the ‘advanced’ stuff:
Enjoy it… and I look forward to hearing your success stories soon 🙂
P.S. Here’s another related article on the subject: How To Get Dates With Any Asian Girls You Want