Keeping “Gaming” on HER… Even After Rejection
I still remember my first date. It was during my 8th grade during the summer. We watched the movie “Ghost Dad” with a girl named Julia with whom I’d been in love for a few weeks.
I didn’t enjoy the date or the movie, because the entire time I was on the date, I was shy of “making my move” on her.
The movie ended, and I never even try to summon up my courage to place my arm around her… let alone kiss her.
I had not gone for a date with a girl for over 5 years. But even older and wiser, and with the help of alcohol, I was still deathly scared of kissing her. While growing up, I always associated the rejection of a failed kiss attempt as the ultimate in embarrassment. Just the act of girl turning away her cheek as I went for the kiss could cause me to freeze up in anxiety.
The worst thing was that even when I was almost certain a woman was into me… I still waited for “the perfect moment” before attempting to become physical. I would almost wait for the girl to say “KISS ME NOW” before I felt confident going in for the kiss.
There were a couple of reasons that prevented me from leaning in for the kiss:
- I was deathly scared that I would destroy all of the “progress” I was making with the girl if I went for the kiss too early in the interaction.
- I was deathly scared of ‘what other people may think’ if they find out about the rejection.
- I was scared of the awkwardness that could arise between the girl and me if she rejected my move.
Why you should NEVER fear to go in for the kiss
As I went out and “gamed” on more girls, I started to gather more and more experiences with women, and I started to notice something that changed the way I viewed things about “going in for the kiss.”
It looked as if my hesitance of going in for the kiss was really because of 3 underlying fears that I had.
Let me explain.
My numero one fear always boiled down to “avoiding embarrassment.”
But my hesitation for going in for the kiss was actually causing me more and more embarrassment than any failed kiss attempt I had ever done.
You see, among my peer group, I quickly became known as the “shy guy.” My pals at college would usually make fun of me heartlessly after hearing another pathetic story of me “walking away with the tail between my legs” and not going in for the kiss.
Girls started to view me as a “nice guy”, which, you probably already know, brutally kills your any chances of getting laid with them.
In addition, while I was deathly scared of ruining any “progress” I was building with girls by going in for the kiss early on, in reality, what was actually happening was that these “hot” and “horny” college girls would sort of get bored with my “friendly” and “safe” behaviour and quickly move to another, more aggressive guy.
And that awkwardness I was SO scared of if my kiss attempt got rejected could not be nearly as bad as the awkwardness I was commonly experiencing when I always BLEW PERFECT opportunities to go in for the kiss. The girl would actually glare at me in AMAZEMENT at my lack of “social intelligence.”
It was at the end of my somophore year of college that I finally started to realize the BIG mistakes I was previously making.
I was just coming out of a 2-year-long of long-term-relationship, and I was nervous to dive back into the dating world. I also started to observe some of my “natural” friends and even started asking for their advice on how they were so confident “going in for the kiss.”
What women secretly want from a man
During this time I came to realize a lot about what women expect from a man (and even what they secretly want.)
Just as men are programmed to want to escalate physically with a woman…. women, on the other hand, are programmed to RESIST our advancements.
But they RESPECT a man who tries to break that barrier.
Even if they don’t want you to make your move on them… or aren’t already ready yet, they’ll still respect you 100% MORE if you act on your 3primal urges3 and go after what you really want.
In the past, I was always anxious that I was being “disrespectful” to women, but in reality, they don’t find it any disrespectful at all if you at least TRY to go for it.
In fact, they secretly LOVE the fact that they have stirred up that desire in you.
What does it really mean ‘when a woman gives you the cheek?’
As I mentioned earlier, women are hard-wired to stop your attempts to escalate her physically. There are over 100 million reasons why she could be doing so…
You see, women love the “chase,” the pursuit, and the drama. Most of the times even when a woman is DYING inside for you to kiss her… she’ll resist just to build up the “sexual tension.”
You see women LOVE sexual tension.
This confuses a lot of guys…. and at the first sign of rejection, many of them will put their tail between their legs like a 2-year-old baby, and start pouting…
And doing this COMPLETELY turns a woman off.
Other times a woman will say something like “we should take it slow” or “slow down the big guy.”
In fact, when women are saying these things, they’re just FLIRTING.
But most guys will take this resistance as rejection and immediately withdraw all of their moves. Now, doing this INSTANTLY kills any build up of “sexual tension”… and now she does really REJECT you.
What to do if she gives you the cheek when you for the kiss?
If you get a cheek as you lean in for the kiss… IT’S NOT the end of the world.
In fact, it’s a GREAT opportunity to show your “social intelligence” and make her actually become MORE attracted to you instead.
You see most guys act like a giant toddler when a woman rejects their moves. These type of men will make the interaction AWKWARD by becoming weird, quiet, or bitchy about the rejection.
Just by taking a woman by a complete surprise and acting in a way that’s totally different than her expectations you have suddenly increased your chances of becoming even more DESIRABLE to her.
Wanna know how to do this?
There are a couple of ways to do this…
One way is to continue the interaction EXACTLY how it was going… continue to build “sexual attraction” and wait 5 or even 10 minutes and then go in for the kiss AGAIN.
Most women will be completely blown away by your confidence. The simple fact that you’re showing that you “expect” her to kiss displays MASSIVE amounts of self-assurance.
Now, there’ve been a number of times that girls I was out with have rejected my attempts several times before finally allowing the interaction to move forward. Hell, I can also think of one time the girl slapped me twice (playfully) before I wound up sleeping with her that night.
Even if she says she doesn’t want you to kiss her again… but as long as she seems to be enjoying the interaction… you can STILL go for it again later in the night.
A lot of times, even a woman is secretly dying for you to kiss her, she has an internal clock in her head that tells her when she’ll kiss you. And it isn’t until that clock goes off that she’ll accept your kiss attempt.
In that case, you only need to follow “the two steps forward, and one step backwards” approach of physical escalation.
Another smart way to handle a failed kiss attempt is to call out the elephant in the room.
What this means is that right after she gives you her cheek when you lean in for the kiss… just say out loud:
“She just slipped me the cheek? Wow!”
Or you can say something funny that acknowledges the fact that she just gave you her cheek. I have a friend who was sharing me a story where a girl gave him her cheek when he leaned in for a kiss, and he responded, in a Seinfeld-like-voice, almost doing a self-commentary…
“That was a little awkward… I wasn’t totally expecting her to give me the cheek.”
He told me she quickly played along doing her own commentary, “Yeah… a little too fast… maybe if he seduced a little bit more…”
Two hours later she went back to his apartment.
REMEMBER: It’s always better to go in for the kiss…
And even if a woman really has absolutely “zero interest” in kissing you… the fact that you went in for it then not going for it she’ll still respect you for it (unless she’s giving you clear signs of disinterest – but that’s a different another article).
P.S. Here’s another related article on the subject: When She WON’T Kiss You