What Women Really Want in a Man: A “Chill” Dude

How to be Relaxed and Confident around Women

A lot of guys frequently ask me one question: “what do women find attractive in a man?” This is a common question that I am sure will be asked till the end of time, and to put it bluntly, there’s no specific answer.

There are over a thousand different things that a woman find attractive in a man, so you’re basically programming for failure if you want one specific answer. I actually have yet to meet a woman who gets all hot and aroused to the exact same attributes in men as another woman. The funny thing is most women actually don’t know what they’re attracted to, but if you happen to catch them talking about some guys they really like, they almost all always utter one particular word to describe them.


What does chill mean by the way? Well, from a woman’s perspective, a chill guy is someone who is easy to be around, and not a try hard.

I want you to think of a huge silverback gorilla. They own their space without even trying. For most of the part, they’re relaxed and … chill. Women absolutely love this, there’s actually nothing more seductive to them than being around a dude who can just be himself, be relaxed, and… “chill.”

Nothing set in stones, but if you don’t learn how to relax and chill around women I can almost guarantee you’ll hardly ever have any real success with women.

a chill guy is someone who is easy to be around, and not a try hard.
A chill guy is someone who is easy to be around, and not a try hard.

Sounds scary, right?

Here’s good news: you probably already are natural when it comes to being chill for the most part. Just think of how you’d act around people you already know. You act very chill, right? The biggest problem a lot of guys have, however, is as soon as they spot a new girl anywhere near their sight, then they instantly drop that chill and relax persona and become super… awkward. They immediately start to overthink about what to say, or try to impress her, and talk really fast. This is a complete attraction killer.

How to Become a Chill Dude

In order to become a chill guy, you must first understand why it’s super important to your game. Naturally, guys lead and girls follow. Now, this ‘lead and follow’ dynamics also applies to emotions too. This means if you are shy, nervous, and basically not being yourself around women you’re going to make women feel uncomfortable around pretty fast. Your voice tonality, body language, and hundreds of thousands of other subconscious cues will start reflecting off her and she’ll immediately lose attraction for you. Just think about it for a second, have you ever been aroused when you were feeling nervous?

Never, right?

Then how can you expect a chick to be all hot and excited for you if you behave shy, nervous, and afraid around her? Yeah, she may get aroused, but it is very, very unlikely to happen.

Look at those guys you know who are truly good with women. Do you ever find them facing those ‘dreaded awkward silences’ or ‘running out of things to say’ to women? Surely not. Now let’s look at it the other way, do you ever find girls running out of things to say back or going silent on these guys? Never. Why? Because these dudes act super chilled and confident and because of their relaxed vibe the girls around them feel relaxed and confident as well. With this kind of interaction, it’s only a matter of time before a sexual attraction builds up literally 😉

If you’re looking to be really successful with women, here’s my final tip: Stop reading PUA stuff, stop learning female psychology, and stop reading any other crap that does not put you directly face to face with a girl. Listen, there’s only one way to achieve that “chill” status, and that is by going out and talking to as many women as possible.

Just imagine Slash playing the guitar in front of a crowd of people for the first time. Do you think he was cool, calm, and collected and played his best on his live performance? Probably not because he was nervous. But after he played it a couple of thousands of times, it was most likely as easy as breathing. No matter how many books you read about dating and seduction, you’ll always miss this most important aspect of the “game.”

So, stop worrying, do some meditation, and go out and give every woman what they truly want… a chill dude!

Stay chilled,


P.S. Here’s another related article on the topic: 5 things that make you look desperate af (and turn women off instantly)